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Christian Pavia interviews Jose Morell - part 3
Bronx History
Bronx Senior Storytellers - Jose Morell - part 3 of 3
Jose: See, where I came from and from where I am now. Now something happened that said to the mayor he got they got to get me through a interview not only me, all the people, an interview like I had it when I was in Middletown. I would sit down, "you people you tell us what you wanna do for us and then if I agree with what you do I give you my vote." For example there was this guy in Middletown we had, he wanted to be a supervisor of the town. He had lost already a couple of times and and I was the only Spanish guy in the interview and he was asking if somebody... and when I asked him my questions you could see the attitude in his body and the other thing I asked him “have you learned anything from your losses?” you know and everybody that was in the panel knew that this guy, that “why is this Spanish guy asking me questions?” you know and they all noticed it that he had a attitude, you know he had an attitude because he didn't know my culture, and you know what we did? Not me, the whole board said “listen, we rather lose the race than to support you” See, I'm just giving you examples of unity, it’s so powerful.
See it's like the United States divided, we lose you know and I tell you, you know not to brag because this is the first time that I talk like this, you never hear me talking you know, but it's so beautiful when something powerful, that has more power than myself brought me back. It made me understand that my use in life now is to help other people and sometimes, listen I got a good attitude don’t get me wrong I'm talking nice to you but I still you know, I still get, for example I was upstairs right? There's a big fan there some people sitting by the table, the guy comes with his walker and he stands right in front of the fan. I didn't say anything, I just got up and walked away. See he didn't realize that that fan is for all of us to share, but what I would of gained if I were to tell him, “listen, why you sitting in front of that fan? that’s for all of us” He might have a attitude. So you know sometimes common sense even though you know they wrong, you don't approach them because that save you. You never confront as well, you never confront anybody when they do something wrong at that time, but in the future if we’re surrounded and it's there, and we’re talking, we bring the subject. Listen, and you don’t bring it right to him, you bring it in the group, like we do sometimes when we have a meeting, listen, these things here are for everybody, because you won’t hurt his feelings either, so it’s you know, you learn that, I have learned that, you know and i'm just glad you know, I wasn't gonna do this, because listen you know, if I could help one person to stay out of drinking, to stay out of smoking, to stay out of drugs, I’d tell him, “listen, you don't have to do it, I already did it for you and look what it did to me.”
Thank god that I'm still here, learn from my mistake, don't make those mistakes. Learn from my mistake. You never been in jail? You don't have to. I already did the time for you guys. If you never had used drugs, you don't have to either, because I already did it for you, they got me nowhere. You know I'm trying to be as honest as I can and I don't hang out with anybody that don't drink if they drink I don't hang out with them. Anything that is against my will of my high powers well, I don't hang out with you. I help you, you need my help? You need my help, I will help you. But I can't stay around you because you drinking, you using drugs or you not, or you not doing the right thing. Now if you’re using drugs and you need my help, I know where to take you. If you drinking and you got an alcohol problem, I know where to take you. Then I take you with me, and that’s fine, I find so much satisfaction when I help somebody not to do what I did. See? Because i'm not paying them, i'm not paying anybody. I paid a career and I'm not religious but I believe in something power bigger than myself. Everybody got their own religion and I respect that. My church is my apartment. I don't go to church, that doesn’t mean you don't have to go to church, I don't have to go to church because I have learned, if you wrong, if you don't do no wrong no wrong ever come back to you. You know that's what I learned. When you do wrong it comes back to you but if you don’t do no wrong, nothing will happen to you.
I could give you better history because I will feel more comfortable to go deeper in my life, see this is just the surface of myself but like we said next time I just get naked, that’s the way we talk you know, what I mean when we get naked that means that what comes from the heart is the heart. That means that I will go deeper through my life and take you on a journey that you may feel the pain that I had lived, but today’s not the time, it's not the day you know because I got to get back you know, I had spoke so much you know, but next time i’ll go deeper and you see and you wanna see what I had lived, what I had done that you might get scared you know, you might get scared but that was my life. I'm not ashamed of it but I will go back to it because you need to understand is because what I did if I would do it again I’d be ashamed if I started all over again, hurt people, take things from people now it’s my turn to give back to my community, to you people.
And like I said before if you never gone to jail you don't have to because I already did time for you guys, if you gotta take drugs to live like a animal you don't have to because I already did it for you. Now what you gotta do for me is, Stay in school, Have an education, and you're gonna see how the rest lift again because we are the future, you guys are the future, and the beautiful future that you're gonna live is only if you stay in school. You know it made me smile that I wanna live to see you guys and wanna be a judge, be in a position to help what's coming behind you, because that's the most beautiful gift, it is life, have your education and help somebody else get out of the ghetto and it's beautiful but without education you cannot do it. Without education you cannot do nothing. But once you got your education guys you’re gonna be so powerful and I get goosebumps when I say that because you are my future of my grandkids see, that’s why I say that you guys are going to be the future that my grandkids have a better life because we will be in a better place because we're gonna have people that seen it and lived it and will help others not to live the same way we did and thank you. And next time we go deeper.
Sarah: thank you, we will come back
Jose: and yeah you will come back but I will have more stories but today's not the day because it's very deep to me you're gonna hear my pain, my sorrow because of my ignorance because sometimes I got into things interesting to me that I didn't get out of, it took me so many years of my life. See I live a happy life now because I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't take nothing from nobody and if I can help you even if it's some people I don't like, I don't like their attitude but if they got a problem and they don't have to talk to me and I go to them but once I solve the problem I leave and that’s all that matters and thank you again.
Sarah: Thank you so much.
See it's like the United States divided, we lose you know and I tell you, you know not to brag because this is the first time that I talk like this, you never hear me talking you know, but it's so beautiful when something powerful, that has more power than myself brought me back. It made me understand that my use in life now is to help other people and sometimes, listen I got a good attitude don’t get me wrong I'm talking nice to you but I still you know, I still get, for example I was upstairs right? There's a big fan there some people sitting by the table, the guy comes with his walker and he stands right in front of the fan. I didn't say anything, I just got up and walked away. See he didn't realize that that fan is for all of us to share, but what I would of gained if I were to tell him, “listen, why you sitting in front of that fan? that’s for all of us” He might have a attitude. So you know sometimes common sense even though you know they wrong, you don't approach them because that save you. You never confront as well, you never confront anybody when they do something wrong at that time, but in the future if we’re surrounded and it's there, and we’re talking, we bring the subject. Listen, and you don’t bring it right to him, you bring it in the group, like we do sometimes when we have a meeting, listen, these things here are for everybody, because you won’t hurt his feelings either, so it’s you know, you learn that, I have learned that, you know and i'm just glad you know, I wasn't gonna do this, because listen you know, if I could help one person to stay out of drinking, to stay out of smoking, to stay out of drugs, I’d tell him, “listen, you don't have to do it, I already did it for you and look what it did to me.”
Thank god that I'm still here, learn from my mistake, don't make those mistakes. Learn from my mistake. You never been in jail? You don't have to. I already did the time for you guys. If you never had used drugs, you don't have to either, because I already did it for you, they got me nowhere. You know I'm trying to be as honest as I can and I don't hang out with anybody that don't drink if they drink I don't hang out with them. Anything that is against my will of my high powers well, I don't hang out with you. I help you, you need my help? You need my help, I will help you. But I can't stay around you because you drinking, you using drugs or you not, or you not doing the right thing. Now if you’re using drugs and you need my help, I know where to take you. If you drinking and you got an alcohol problem, I know where to take you. Then I take you with me, and that’s fine, I find so much satisfaction when I help somebody not to do what I did. See? Because i'm not paying them, i'm not paying anybody. I paid a career and I'm not religious but I believe in something power bigger than myself. Everybody got their own religion and I respect that. My church is my apartment. I don't go to church, that doesn’t mean you don't have to go to church, I don't have to go to church because I have learned, if you wrong, if you don't do no wrong no wrong ever come back to you. You know that's what I learned. When you do wrong it comes back to you but if you don’t do no wrong, nothing will happen to you.
I could give you better history because I will feel more comfortable to go deeper in my life, see this is just the surface of myself but like we said next time I just get naked, that’s the way we talk you know, what I mean when we get naked that means that what comes from the heart is the heart. That means that I will go deeper through my life and take you on a journey that you may feel the pain that I had lived, but today’s not the time, it's not the day you know because I got to get back you know, I had spoke so much you know, but next time i’ll go deeper and you see and you wanna see what I had lived, what I had done that you might get scared you know, you might get scared but that was my life. I'm not ashamed of it but I will go back to it because you need to understand is because what I did if I would do it again I’d be ashamed if I started all over again, hurt people, take things from people now it’s my turn to give back to my community, to you people.
And like I said before if you never gone to jail you don't have to because I already did time for you guys, if you gotta take drugs to live like a animal you don't have to because I already did it for you. Now what you gotta do for me is, Stay in school, Have an education, and you're gonna see how the rest lift again because we are the future, you guys are the future, and the beautiful future that you're gonna live is only if you stay in school. You know it made me smile that I wanna live to see you guys and wanna be a judge, be in a position to help what's coming behind you, because that's the most beautiful gift, it is life, have your education and help somebody else get out of the ghetto and it's beautiful but without education you cannot do it. Without education you cannot do nothing. But once you got your education guys you’re gonna be so powerful and I get goosebumps when I say that because you are my future of my grandkids see, that’s why I say that you guys are going to be the future that my grandkids have a better life because we will be in a better place because we're gonna have people that seen it and lived it and will help others not to live the same way we did and thank you. And next time we go deeper.
Sarah: thank you, we will come back
Jose: and yeah you will come back but I will have more stories but today's not the day because it's very deep to me you're gonna hear my pain, my sorrow because of my ignorance because sometimes I got into things interesting to me that I didn't get out of, it took me so many years of my life. See I live a happy life now because I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't take nothing from nobody and if I can help you even if it's some people I don't like, I don't like their attitude but if they got a problem and they don't have to talk to me and I go to them but once I solve the problem I leave and that’s all that matters and thank you again.
Sarah: Thank you so much.
Mid-Bronx Senior Citizens Council, Grand Concourse
July 26, 2018
BASE CareerCLUE cohort - Summer 2018
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